Anytime I tell someone that I have twin boys, their response is always pretty much the same- "Whoa, how do you do it?". I usually just give a little chuckle and tell them that it's the only thing that we know, so we feel like it's normal. It's true for the most part. Chase and I are first time parents, so we don't know what it's like to have just one baby.
The way I see it, raising babies is a bit of an art, whether it be 1,2 or 6. Luckily, I only know what it is like to raise 2.... I don't think I'd be great at raising 6. Every parent and every child is different and has needs and circumstances that may be different than anyone else. There are two big things (besides the obvious, God's grace) that I believe have contributed to our parenting success so far:
1) Consistency/ routine
2) A village
I'll start with the latter in case you aren't sure what I mean.
We've all heard the saying "It takes a village to raise a child". Well, that couldn't be more true with twins. If you do not have a village, find one quick! We are so blessed to have great parents, siblings, friends and a fantastic nanny, to help out with the boys and take care of us when we are in a pinch. We still have plenty of work to do on our part, but having someone to sit with the boys so that we can house hunt, go on a date or take a nap after an impossible day is invaluable! A good support system is necessary for keeping your sanity during the first year (probably the second as well, but we haven't gotten there yet). One of the hardest things for me as a new mom was relying on other people and asking for help. Life became so much easier once I realized that asking for help doesn't mean that you are not good at what you do. It means that you want what is best for you and your child, so you need help from other people occasionally in order to give that to them. It's really hard to be patient, loving and tender when you haven't had sleep for days. Sometimes you need a nap. Keeping your marriage healthy is important, but sometimes difficult with new babies. There are times that I haven't showered in 2-3 days, let alone put on makeup and get dressed in real clothes. Date nights with my husband are such a treat! I get to look like and feel like a human being and I am able to give my favorite person in the world my undivided attention for a couple of hours. I have a plea for any new moms- Please ask someone to watch your wee one for a few hours so that you can spend alone time with your husband. You will thank me later. :)
The other very, very important part keeping our lives from being a chaotic mess is having a routine and staying consistent. It was pretty easy when Aedan and Conor came home from the NICU because the nurses helped us build their routine while they were in the hospital. Some parents like to let their babies eat when they are hungry and sleep when they are tired, but with twins it takes some coordinating. We always kept them within an hour of the original schedule so that we could stay on track. For example, /When the boys were brand new I would feed the first baby when he woke in the morning and then I would wake the second one so that he could eat or if my husband was home he would feed one and I'd feed the other at the same time. Then I'd change their diapers, give them one last good burp and lay them back down to play or have tummy time until they were tired again. I kept this going every 3 hours. I got some serious looks and scoldings for "waking a sleeping baby". Most people just work around the baby's schedule and sleep when the baby sleeps. We couldn't do that with two babies... we would have never slept! Once the boys started being more active we had to work other things into the routine like eating solids, playtime, bath time, nap time, story time, bed time. We drive other people crazy with our strict schedule with the boys, but it really works for us.
The consistency isn't just for mine and Chase's benefit- the boys appreciate it too. They are fussy and cranky on days that we get thrown off. We have little routines for everything that we do with them and try to stay consistent so that they know what is going on. We have an eating routine that we follow at every meal We follow the same bedtime routine nightly. First we change their diapers and wipe their faces, hands & feet and clean their teeth. Then we put on PJ's and give them the last bottle of the night. Once they finish their bottles we take them to the nursery and turn down all of the lights except the reading lamp. Chase and I read a quick bedtime story, turn out all of the lights, turn on their mobiles and say bedtime prayers with the boys. We kiss them good night and close the door. Sometimes they cry, sometimes they go right to sleep. Regardless of their reaction, we try to keep it consistent. Most nights, Chase and I have sleeping babies by 9pm. This allows us to have a couple hours of grown up time and a full night's sleep. Occasionally they will move around in their sleep and lose their pacifier so we have to help them find it. Other than that, only tummy trouble or teething disrupts our sleep at night. It's really great!
Recently, an area that we've been trying to create consistency in is setting boundaries for the boys and teaching them to be obedient. We were all geared up to go into full-on baby proofing mode when someone gave us some very useful advice. They told us that if we only baby proof and never teach the boys boundaries, then they will not know how to behave when they are in a place that hasn't been baby proofed. We've really taken this to heart and shifted our focus from wrapping our house in bubble wrap and moving everything 3 feet off the ground to teaching the boys that they shouldn't touch certain things or enter certain parts of the house. We still have to put outlet covers in some of the plugs and slap up a baby gate every once in awhile, but the boys are able to take our direction most of the time. Some of you may cringe when I say that our boys know what the word "no" means. At 10 months, we aren't able to reason with them very effectively, so we simply give them a firm "no, no" if they are touching something that doesn't belong to them or hurting each other. I was amazed to see how quickly they caught on! We usually follow "no,no" with something like "that hurts brother" or "that isn't yours", we give them something that they are allowed to play with or show them how to gently touch each other, and then we give them positive reinforcement by using a happy voice and saying things like "good boy", "thank you" or "awe, you are such a sweet boy". Chase and I have by no means mastered teaching 10 months old twins obedience. We definitely have times when Aedan or Conor don't want to obey us so we have to physically move them or give them a little spat on the hand. We are hopeful that with God's guidance, prayer, patience, consistency and pointers from other parents, we will eventually have obedient little boys. :)
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